dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
