Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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