drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
