So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
