Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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