A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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