i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
