69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
