So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
