It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
