That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
