Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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