drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize