I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize