drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
