worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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