The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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