I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
