Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
