Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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