I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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