no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
