Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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