Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
