JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
