What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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