then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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