hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
