I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We're too hungover to prance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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