I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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