Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
