At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
