home. puking in laundry basket.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize