good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize