He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
