You smell like a Billy Joel song
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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