Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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