hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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