Screwed.edu
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize