if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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