He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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