I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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