Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
