I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
