Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
