You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
