It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
