i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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