Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
