I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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