I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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