she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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