Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
