i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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