I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
