i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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