Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
