If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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