it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
