I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
