he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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