Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
