What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
