i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
