there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
